13 Days to 40!!! I am Learning to Observe the Patterns!

Yaay!!! 13 Days to 40 and I am learning to observe the patterns!!! I am learning to observe MY patterns! ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS AND THEY TELL THE TRUTH!  I can say I want to be wealthy but if I squander all I have, don’t save, don’t invest and don’t work hard, even if I change my name to Billionaire Haj on all my platforms, it’s clear that I actually don’t want to be wealthy; I may want to appear wealthy but not be it, because I am not doing the work!

Same thing in relationships, they don’t love you if they won’t put in the work to show you! I have observed about myself that I am a believer In the idea of love and in the goodness of humanity… so I interpret your actions according to my biases! I am quick to make the excuse for you… quick to offer the unsought forgiveness… quick to comfort you and remind you that “you are not bad, you just do bad things!” Total BS!!! (Well, somewhat! There I go again! LOL!). 

Because I now know these things about myself I am able to stop myself mid thought… I am able to caution myself and say “hang on, what is this person really saying?” I have found that most people are more honest than I give them credit for! When someone is telling you something and saying “you don’t know me o! I am not a kind person!” Please believe it! They are unkind! It doesn’t mean don’t build a friendship if you want to, but please don’t be disappointed when they are unkind to you! Realise that you chose them in spite of it! And please know that if you chose someone, you have the power to un-choose!!! When you choose the negativity and make the excuses and offer the forgiveness they did not ask for and don’t feel they need, you are choosing an ideal that doesn’t exist instead of your wellbeing.

I am learning that if I say I love me! And preach self love to you but don’t do the work- the work of exercising, eating right, making wise financial choices, of putting down the pillars I need for a strong future, then I too am lying to myself! And that is not self love! It’s self deceit! I am learning to tell myself the truth! To identify where to work on, opportunities for growth! I extend compassion to myself but still say “here’s the work you need to do!” I am learning to keep my promises to myself! It’s hard! But I am learning that if I want a different outcome, the input has to be different!

And if this post resonates with you, I am very happy but primarily it’s me that I am talking to! I wish I had this conversation with my 20 year old self! But you know what? If you don’t have a conversation at 20, 39 is not too late to have it! What’s important is that you eventually did! I am learning that if you don’t do the difficult and painful work of stepping back from yourself and seeing you, you will repeat the patterns over and over! How do you explain when the same person files for bankruptcy twice… how do you explain that your relationships and friends always seem toxic? It’s in the patterns… so observe yours! And then change! This is the grace that God has given us, the ability to change the outcome by our choices! It takes intentionality! 

You know the part that totally blows my mind about patterns is that even the science is showing that even in so called hereditary diseases, while you may inherit a pre-disposition to the disease, what actually is responsible to a large extent for its occurrence in the next generation is patterns… we eat how our parents ate, worry how they worried, carry tension the way they did and repeat the patterns… So with positive lifestyle choices some if not all, can be avoided!

Some lessons are harder than others, it takes us a longer time to learn some because of our ingrained un- observed patterns but I tell you, the one person to confront is you! When you change the way you look at things! The things you look at change! #13daysto40 #myyearofjubilee #Queensarebornin79 #3rd #lessonslearnt #gratitudejournal #thanksgiving #Hajwillbe40

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